Songs for the heart

Some songs don't just sound good to me, they feel good. Like somewhere deep down in my chest there is a warm fuzzy feeling. I can almost feel the happy chemicals being released in my brain.

Here are few songs that have given me the warm fuzzies lately =)






Everyone needs a little hip hop in their life, especially when there is Ellie Goulding involved..



A new love

Currently Loving

Random things I'm lovin lately!


1. This sporcle game where you have to list the states in order of how many letters are in the name. It took me so many tries because you only get 4 minutes! I started writing down abbreviations in order so I could get through more on each try.. It was tough but I really liked it!
http://www.sporcle.com/games/gwukelic/big_words_hurt_my_brain


2. Kanye & Jay-Z's album Watch the Throne


My favorite track is New Life. Matt first pointed it the lyrics to me and I really love them. 

Both speak about what they want for their children. Kanye shows his incredible insecurities that lead him to be the self-absorbed, arrogant, but highly talented artist he is. His main idea is that he wants his child to be liked. Jay-Z speaks of the hardships he knows he is bringing on his child, while committing himself as a parent no matter what, and telling his child to "give your word and keep it". Strong words, especially for J because he and Beyonce are having a child. Matt pointed out to me that this subject is very different than the usual hip hop & rap rhetoric. That it speaks of being a committed parent in a positive light is different than many other lyrics in this genre. I

I think this song also shows the large difference between Jay and Kanye. While both are outstanding rappers, Kanye is insecure, extreme, immature, and self-absorbed. Jay-Z is subtle, tenacious, and somehow feels tenured. 

3. Sweet Home Style

http://sweethomestyle.tumblr.com/

I'm not at all familiar with tumblr, but I know I love this site. People submit photos that mean something homey to them, and I love seeing the wide range from a tent to an opulent living room. It seems to have more passion behind it than other design websites, and I really enjoy it.

4. This post from the best food blog ever, Smitten Kitchen

http://smittenkitchen.com/2011/09/red-wine-chocolate-cake/

Besides adoring her child and recipes, this lady is awesome. As a New Yorker, she gives her 9/11 memory like many, but hers is very different. It didn't affect her as much as many NYers until the 2nd anniversary, and that memory leads to other very happy things. Its a beautiful way of connecting this tragic event with hope and love, things that bring people together. 

What have you seen recently that made you happy?

Time to put your big girl pants on

Do you ever stop and wonder if what you're doing is all wrong?

I've been so set on public health for so long that I think I forgot why I wanted to do it in the first place. I've simply focused on what I need to do to get there. What classes I should take, what jobs I should look for.

I love infectious disease. I think they are some of the most fascinating organisms there are.

They are beautiful under the microscope.

And I love Anthropology. I love science. I love medicine. I love writing. I love demography (true nerd).

But how can I love those things once I stop studying them? Years ago when I was thinking about what I wanted to do long term, I thought if I could just be a student for the rest of my life I would be happy. I love learning. Its what motivates me, what excites me. Its what makes me feel alive.

There are so many other things I've thought of doing that I think to myself everyday I should have gotten my degree in...


I should have gotten a journalism degree because I love to write. This blog helps me realize that love.
I should have gotten a nursing degree because I could actually do public health work right now.
I should go to medical school because I love the human body.
I should study to be a doctor of osteopathy because I love the human body and the human.
I should have gotten a degree in microbiology so I could be an epidemiologist.

But I should have done more to nurture my creativity. I should have balanced hard science with art, music, fashion and design.

If I could do anything right now, I would write for a newspaper/blog/website/magazine about health and science. In a way that understands it, in a way that makes it easy to understand for people whose worst subject is science. Thats what I love about health education-I understand science, and I want to help other people understand it. And I want to do that by writing.

Hear of any jobs like that?



Yea, me neither.

I guess what I'm saying is I still love public health, but I want the delivery mechanism to be a little more non traditional.

Date Night in Westport

As all the hipsters line up for the Bon Iver show in our front yard Matt and I walked down to Westport for date night.

We headed down to The Thai Place for something new. I've only ever been there once and I'm pretty sure I ordered fried rice (yea... I know). We got Calamari for an app because Matt really can't resist it. I got a ginger chicken stiry fry and Matt got a salad that had mint, cabbage, minced meat and some sort of seed or nut thing, we couldn't figure out what! We both got the medium level spice but I think mine was hotter! I should have gotten the mild because it was really too much for me. Oh well!

The Westport art fair was going on but we didn't look at many tents because it was pretty crowded. After all that spice we needed something to calm the stomach so we headed over to Tea Drops. When I explain this tea shop to people I say it really is like a Coffee shop, but with tea instead. Instead of french presses and specilatly beans in addition to lattes, americanos, etc. they have a variety of loose leaf  teas and brewers in addition to teas (with or without bubbles) in all varieties. Matt got a coconut almond blended bubble tea and I got an peach almond over ice. It was perfect after such an intense heat from dinner.

We took our teas over to World Market because Matt hasn't ever been there! And its been quite a while since I'd been. I remembered it was a great place to go look around, and a great place to buy gifts. I was very tempted by the table linens,especially this paisley print table runner but I resisted! I will definitely go back there for other household things. They had some super cute lamp shades as well as decently priced furniture. I can't wait to do some Christmas shopping there!

After that we walked over to Gomers, the best place ever for boooooze. Their selection is great. They had some wine on sale for cheap (SCORE!) but also had high end wines.  I got a Moscato I've never had, but I was debating with a Reisling. I think I've lost my taste for Moscato lately, its just been too sweet for me. I like a more balanced Reisling (Chateau St. Michelle is a favorite) and I think I will go for that next time. Matt got a beer called La Terrible. Thats right-Terrible Beer. I thought it was pretty cute and he liked it a lot.

And by 10 o'clock we're home watching the Mizzou Arizona State. I feel so lame! For whatever reason if you have ATT interwebs, you can stream ESPN on Xbox live, so we get the game. Its a plus, but I still think its weird, who knows. This weekend we get to move all of our shit back into our kitchen and I'm hoping to spruce up the guest room to prepare for Katie and Stephanie to come stay with us this week for Kelly's surgery.

Hope your weekend is filled with good food, friends, wine!

Also:
 Matt asked me "aren't there rules against blogging and drinking wine?" I said "No! There are rules for it!"
mareed lyfe 4evah

OTP + FOOD + Currently Obsessed

So yesterday I mentioned that I went to Old Time Pottery. It was amazing. It was what I was craving when I drove 30 minutes to Olathe to go to Home Goods and was majorly disappointed (except in the lamp & bedding section).=-0p]

OTP is where its at. I spent hours going up and down every single isle, some of them multiple times. 

I was surprised to find they had fabric there. 

I really liked this one, but I really don't need 4 yards of it..

I lurv this one too. I ended up buying it for Mom. She wants to reupholster her dining room chairs and has a gray/yellow/black color scheme. I emailed her the pic and she loved it! I will have to show you the end result! There is also 4 yards of this baby, so hopefully there will be enough left over to cover a few pillows on our yellow bed!

I also fell in love with this lamp! But I don't know who in their right mind put that lamp shade on it.. Its hideous. But I love the base! I want it for the living room that has navy/coral/gold going on.

Over the last month or so, we have also been cooking....a lot. Matt tends to make breakfast every morning and I tend to cook lunch or dinner.

Tilapia, brown rice and veggies

brownies, with or without walnuts 

garlic basil tilapia with buttered and grilled squash & zucchini

eggs, bacon, tomatoes, and avocados!

this amazing taco salad with beef, avocados, black beans, tomatos, onions, cheese, salsa and cottage cheese in place of sour cream. It was really tasty! I had never really tried the cottage cheese/sour cream thing but it was great!

making use of the new blender with berry banana smoothies with greek yogurt and a touch of honey

and all this was made possible by our little trip to costco. We picked up a few very large bags of brocoli, mied berries, and veggies. We had a big ole bag of tilapia filets also, so we've been eating a lot of that. Oh and you should see how much canned tuna we have. Its ungodly.  Also tried out canned Salmon for the first time...it was pretty tasty!

Yesterday our property mgmt company kindly let us know that they would be spraying for bugs in the kitchen today. thanks for the 12 hour notice jerks. So after spending the five hours at KU Med for Kelly's MRI, we had to move everything out of our kitchen-and if you know how I bake an cook, you know that is a lot of stuff! I was pretty irritated.

But anyway, the second bedroom/office area became a temporary kitchen. I didn't even try to make myself breakfast this morning.

Now that I've gone over the last month of my life in two short posts, you've been caught up!

I'm currently obsessed with this song:

Tome Gabel-Wagon Wheel

sung by this man:

a part of this wonderful band that I'm without a doubt obsessed with:

Against Me!

Has it really only been a month?

So I think its time for an update...

We have been in Kansas City for about a month now and it feels like two.
For real, we were so busy the first few weeks!

Of course there was unpacking...

And then some drinks


And then a wedding! Where we had so much fun I only took two pictures!

Then I had some unexpected oral surgery.... not to worry Matt is a very caring nurse, you know, one who takes pictures of me while on pain medicine...

we went to a chiefs game! It was my first, and this guy ruined it... well at least the Riesling balanced his awful jersey

thank goodness he had me and Brandon protecting him before the game (not much was needed after)

it was a good excuse to make BROOOOOWNIES

Matt started grad school! Its very daunting...

The biggest thing so far this month though has been Kelly! She has had lots of doctors appointments and is needing increasingly more care. We are maintaing her for only a little while longer!

It all started when Logan cut her hair

Then we made her a lovely styrofoam headboard so she wouldn't crack her head open on the brick wall. This we had to cut into pieces-on the floor at Home Depot-just to get it in the car. Then we had to tape all four pieces back together again. And ofcourse Kelly has only purple, teal, and white duct tape!

A few days later her movements got pretty bad and we visited the lovely staff at KU Med. She was excited about the antislip socks... I'm so glad they match the socks with the fall risk bracelet, it really finishes the outfit.

She is doing alright and is out of the hospital now, just on very very very stout pain medicine and muscle relaxer. Surgery that was scheduled for October was moved up to next week because of the unusually fast paced progression she has been experiencing lately. 

In other news, I've become obsessed with interior design (you would not believe the length of my blog roll-just ask Matt!) So of course I had to go to the one and only Old Time Pottery. I could have died in there (I had gone to Home Goods the previous day and was hoping for this nirvanic feeling but sadly, it did not come).

There is lots more that we have done lately, but this is already a long post-even though its mostly pictures! Anyway, I want to get back to blogging more often now that I'm done with school and our summer of insanity is over..cause oh yea we had our reception since the last time I posted! Hahaha. Wow. Okay, I'll get back on track!

The glove compartment is inaccurately named

Over the last couple weeks I've thought many times of the summer after my senior year. I thought it was just because it's summer. I've always thought fondly of that summer. That was my summer, our summer. I spent every waking moment with Cameron. Some how we were blessed with nearly identical schedules that summer. 

Every morning I woke up, got dressed and went to Cameron's house. Most mornings were spent swapping music, burning CDs, watching films-sometimes amazing life changing ones, and sometimes horrible foreign films (I remember a French one about a flute teacher being particularly awful). After a few hours of lazy companionship (occasionally accompanied by only the best boxed wine) we would leave the house and head for Westport, listening to our freshly burned CDs along the way, there we would eat lunch at one of the foreign food restaurants and then enjoy a coffee drink at Broadway Cafe, all the while discussing some book, movie, musician,or political, theological or philosophical concept that we were entrenching ourselves in at the time. Eventually we would head back home and go our separate ways to work, me to Noland Fashion Cinema 6 (in all its glory) and Cameron to HyVee. Many times after each of us would get off work around ten or eleven we would get together once again and watch one of those hit or miss movies, only to go back home, fall asleep, and repeat the process all over again.

I remember most clearly sitting outside the Cafe one gorgeously sunny afternoon and being in absolute comfort. Not in the sense that everything was a breeze-but that for now, everything was going as well as it could. I had a wonderful friend who had similar needs and desires as I, yet was different enough to expand my understanding of friendship and compassion. I had a job that I actually enjoyed, even though it was at the dollar theater (its still one of my favorite work experiences ever). And on top of that I was enjoying some of the widest freedoms I'd experienced in my life. Mom and I were both getting sick of me being around, both eagerly awaiting my move to college. Not in a hateful or uncaring way, just in the sense that we were both ready.

As you can tell, I still look back on this time fondly. It was that teenage summer that I think many people have memories of. I always thought that type of experience was what most people had throughout their teenage years, and that I was simply a late bloomer. I was, and I think that is part of the reason my experiences in that short amount of time were so rich. Sometimes I wondered if I just idealize the time because of its place in my life. I wondered if it was as perfect as it is in my head.

Yesterday I found Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlanticism in my car. Granted it starting skipping after four or five songs, but it still brought something to me. It made me think, once again of that summer and I had to start thinking why that time has been on my thoughts so much lately.

This morning on my drive to work, I listened to the album with the windows down, the volume up. The music, one of the most significant parts of that time, was the final puzzle piece, making me feel like it was that summer all over again. It made me feel silly. It made me feel like that dumb 18 year old girl who thinks that the last year of her life was all that and a bag of skittles. Then taking a more critical eye to that time, I realized that the summer of 2006 and the summer of 2011 had incredible similarities.

Five years ago I had just graduated, was exploring my own self, was exploring this relatively new companionship, and was most significantly, waiting for the next move. It was a time of transition. Today I find myself just graduated, exploring myself still, both personally and professionally, and exploring a new companionship, this time a different kind; marriage. And once again, waiting for the next move. From college student to real world. 

I think its times like these when something in your subconscious changes. There is so much uncertainty that maybe the conscious mind just can't deal with it all. Not knowing what a daily life will look like, not knowing what my room or home will look like, what the people I meet will be like, if they will ever compare to those I hold dearly already, what mistakes I'll make. Its like this little tickle in the back of the head. 

I guess I didn't realize the deep impact inherent in transitional stages. I know my time in Columbia is limited, and frankly I'm scared. I'm scared that my friendships with people here will weaken. I'm scared that I won't find a job, or a job that is satisfying. I'm afraid I won't meet people who are the kind of people  I crave being around. I'm scared that all my conceptions about how life will be different in all the best ways is just wishful thinking. I'm afraid I will have regrets. 

I think the difference between myself then and now is this ability to recognize not only that I have so many inspiring, wonderful, amazing people, places, and experiences in my life now, but that I have so much to lose. I think before, I was a doe-eyed teenager who wondered what could possibly be more exciting than college?  And now...after being through college, after spending the last five years racking up thousands of dollars in debt, never having enough money to support myself, and battle after battle with the bureaucratic bull shit with what is supposedly a not for profit institution, I wonder sometimes what could possibly be worse. 

I know I gained from my college education, but that is because of devoted professors in my department, and a few others that I met along the way who were deeply passionate about their field and the true education of their students. It is not because of the school over all. I don't feel like I've wasted the last five years of my life, but I often wonder if another path would have been better.

I think that I have reached the point where I know the system all too well. I know the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the mundane, the exhilarating, and the soul crushing parts of the university, of the organizations I was involved in, and the job that I have. And yet, I have no knowledge of what my life will look like three months from now. Its so threatening, such a juxtaposition. 

The transitional periods in life can also be mundane, exhilarating, and soul crushing times, all rolled into one steamy summer. I hold on to the voice in my head, telling me that my resume is solid, that I will meet people, that I will maintain friendships, that I will be okay.

I know that doing the work that is necessary today is all I can do, knowing that nothing will make that next step come fast enough. All I can do is attempt to prepare for it. It makes me think of this Emerson quote that I'm fairly certain has been on my facebook profile for about the last five years:

Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it. 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

So while there are deep resonating similarities between this time and this time five years ago, there are changes. I have learned so much, about myself, my relationships, my abilities, and my faults. I still have the fresh faced smile of an 18 year old ready to move off to college, but with the slightly aged wisdom that not all will go as planned, and that it is a good thing.

I'm thankful for everything and everyone in the last five years. But I am ready, so ready, to take the next step, regardless of how scary the thought of setting my foot down is.