The glove compartment is inaccurately named

Over the last couple weeks I've thought many times of the summer after my senior year. I thought it was just because it's summer. I've always thought fondly of that summer. That was my summer, our summer. I spent every waking moment with Cameron. Some how we were blessed with nearly identical schedules that summer. 

Every morning I woke up, got dressed and went to Cameron's house. Most mornings were spent swapping music, burning CDs, watching films-sometimes amazing life changing ones, and sometimes horrible foreign films (I remember a French one about a flute teacher being particularly awful). After a few hours of lazy companionship (occasionally accompanied by only the best boxed wine) we would leave the house and head for Westport, listening to our freshly burned CDs along the way, there we would eat lunch at one of the foreign food restaurants and then enjoy a coffee drink at Broadway Cafe, all the while discussing some book, movie, musician,or political, theological or philosophical concept that we were entrenching ourselves in at the time. Eventually we would head back home and go our separate ways to work, me to Noland Fashion Cinema 6 (in all its glory) and Cameron to HyVee. Many times after each of us would get off work around ten or eleven we would get together once again and watch one of those hit or miss movies, only to go back home, fall asleep, and repeat the process all over again.

I remember most clearly sitting outside the Cafe one gorgeously sunny afternoon and being in absolute comfort. Not in the sense that everything was a breeze-but that for now, everything was going as well as it could. I had a wonderful friend who had similar needs and desires as I, yet was different enough to expand my understanding of friendship and compassion. I had a job that I actually enjoyed, even though it was at the dollar theater (its still one of my favorite work experiences ever). And on top of that I was enjoying some of the widest freedoms I'd experienced in my life. Mom and I were both getting sick of me being around, both eagerly awaiting my move to college. Not in a hateful or uncaring way, just in the sense that we were both ready.

As you can tell, I still look back on this time fondly. It was that teenage summer that I think many people have memories of. I always thought that type of experience was what most people had throughout their teenage years, and that I was simply a late bloomer. I was, and I think that is part of the reason my experiences in that short amount of time were so rich. Sometimes I wondered if I just idealize the time because of its place in my life. I wondered if it was as perfect as it is in my head.

Yesterday I found Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlanticism in my car. Granted it starting skipping after four or five songs, but it still brought something to me. It made me think, once again of that summer and I had to start thinking why that time has been on my thoughts so much lately.

This morning on my drive to work, I listened to the album with the windows down, the volume up. The music, one of the most significant parts of that time, was the final puzzle piece, making me feel like it was that summer all over again. It made me feel silly. It made me feel like that dumb 18 year old girl who thinks that the last year of her life was all that and a bag of skittles. Then taking a more critical eye to that time, I realized that the summer of 2006 and the summer of 2011 had incredible similarities.

Five years ago I had just graduated, was exploring my own self, was exploring this relatively new companionship, and was most significantly, waiting for the next move. It was a time of transition. Today I find myself just graduated, exploring myself still, both personally and professionally, and exploring a new companionship, this time a different kind; marriage. And once again, waiting for the next move. From college student to real world. 

I think its times like these when something in your subconscious changes. There is so much uncertainty that maybe the conscious mind just can't deal with it all. Not knowing what a daily life will look like, not knowing what my room or home will look like, what the people I meet will be like, if they will ever compare to those I hold dearly already, what mistakes I'll make. Its like this little tickle in the back of the head. 

I guess I didn't realize the deep impact inherent in transitional stages. I know my time in Columbia is limited, and frankly I'm scared. I'm scared that my friendships with people here will weaken. I'm scared that I won't find a job, or a job that is satisfying. I'm afraid I won't meet people who are the kind of people  I crave being around. I'm scared that all my conceptions about how life will be different in all the best ways is just wishful thinking. I'm afraid I will have regrets. 

I think the difference between myself then and now is this ability to recognize not only that I have so many inspiring, wonderful, amazing people, places, and experiences in my life now, but that I have so much to lose. I think before, I was a doe-eyed teenager who wondered what could possibly be more exciting than college?  And now...after being through college, after spending the last five years racking up thousands of dollars in debt, never having enough money to support myself, and battle after battle with the bureaucratic bull shit with what is supposedly a not for profit institution, I wonder sometimes what could possibly be worse. 

I know I gained from my college education, but that is because of devoted professors in my department, and a few others that I met along the way who were deeply passionate about their field and the true education of their students. It is not because of the school over all. I don't feel like I've wasted the last five years of my life, but I often wonder if another path would have been better.

I think that I have reached the point where I know the system all too well. I know the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the mundane, the exhilarating, and the soul crushing parts of the university, of the organizations I was involved in, and the job that I have. And yet, I have no knowledge of what my life will look like three months from now. Its so threatening, such a juxtaposition. 

The transitional periods in life can also be mundane, exhilarating, and soul crushing times, all rolled into one steamy summer. I hold on to the voice in my head, telling me that my resume is solid, that I will meet people, that I will maintain friendships, that I will be okay.

I know that doing the work that is necessary today is all I can do, knowing that nothing will make that next step come fast enough. All I can do is attempt to prepare for it. It makes me think of this Emerson quote that I'm fairly certain has been on my facebook profile for about the last five years:

Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it. 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

So while there are deep resonating similarities between this time and this time five years ago, there are changes. I have learned so much, about myself, my relationships, my abilities, and my faults. I still have the fresh faced smile of an 18 year old ready to move off to college, but with the slightly aged wisdom that not all will go as planned, and that it is a good thing.

I'm thankful for everything and everyone in the last five years. But I am ready, so ready, to take the next step, regardless of how scary the thought of setting my foot down is.

Losing My Religion: A Spiritual and Moral Quest

So for some time now I have had an internal, on-going battle. Not an infectious one unfortunately, but a spiritual one.


Being brought up in a traditional Christian home, I was taught that God has given me the ten commandments, advising me of things that I should not do. Jesus gave me the golden rule. There are many rules in the New and Old Testaments. There are shockingly similar rules, law, and guidelines in other religious texts. 


When I was a teenager I began questioning my faith when our youth director, Jason was ousted from the church. It frustrated me because as a senior in that youth group I spent 6 years with mediocre leaders who meant well but didn't light that fire that I thought should be lit in the hearts of youth. Jason did that. What he taught us in that brief time I truly valued at a deeper level than much of what I had been taught in the previous 6 years. Alas like many people who I think have only moderately radical ideas, people who shake the boat, the people I like to interact with, he was pushed out, out of fear. Fear that what the leadership in the church wanted for their youth would not be had by someone who was more concerned with the youth's well-being than politicking the leadership.


My point of view is undoubtedly flawed, as everyone in the situation had their own motivations for the feelings and actions that went along with that situation. It made me incredibly sad and angry. But ultimately, that event acted as the the last straw that caused my healthy doubt and skepticism about church to become fully fledged. I turned away from this church and looked elsewhere.


Many of you have heard me speak about Jacob's Well. It was a place that I felt intensely in-tune with. I felt raw emotions from people during the songs, music that I enjoyed besides the fact that it was worship. The sermons were challengingly intellectual in nature. The people seemed to be intelligent, thoughtful, and caring in a way that I still strive to be. The sermons hit me and made me think more critically about my beliefs than I had been prompted to before and I went through a period of intense satisfaction and spiritual devotion.


Then I went to college. My lifestyle changed, and as most people I didn't go to church. The problem was-how was I supposed to find an emergent church like Jacob's Well? I knew they existed, but not in Columbia. I missed that experience. I missed the music, I missed Tim Keel. So I would listen to the sermons online and get some general satisfaction about it.


When I would talk to people about religion, I would reject the stereotypical idea of a christian. I would explain what I thought and felt about what little I knew about the emergent church and about JW. I would separate myself from what other christians did, because like a man soliciting me on campus told me once, I should not blame Jesus for the actions of his followers. I considered myself a christian, in a sense.


I went to church with my sister, Katie in an effort to satisfy both the Sunday morning ritual but also the spiritual stimulation. I always ended up leaving the church angry. The people meant well, they thought they were right, but ultimately I could not stand to hear Christians talk about homosexuals being in the wrong. How Jesus could fix them, as if they weren't fulfilled, happy, loving, spiritual, people who deserve the same respect and rights of heterosexuals. I often cried during the music portion of the program at this church, and I couldn't really figure out why. I thought it was because I so intensely missed that feeling of being fulfilled that Jacob's Well brought me. I all at once hated religion and missed it. It was such a large part of me that I could never tell if I was comforted by the music or angered. I stopped going to church.


At some point I met a Unitarian Universalist in one of my classes and joined a group of college students who wanted to meet and discuss UU, what it means, and what me might be able to find in it. There I heard things similar to my story and journey, being brought up in a traditional Christian home and always feeling that heaviness literally around the heart when talking about the Bible being a science book, or when taking the story of Jonah and the Whale so shallowly (no pun intended) when in fact it is a desperate and challenging story. I also heard people who had very different experiences from mine, but felt similarly about them. What it came down to is that we thought Unitarian Universalism might have something for us. These people had not given up on religion, but had been put through terrible experiences with it. And like me, they were not ready to let it go because of other people's interpretations of religion.


UU, as I understand it, aims to respect all religious beliefs. In a UU church there are a variety of religions, and the program serves a different purpose than that of a traditional church. For me, emphasizing spirituality over religion was important. I thought it was important to be spiritual, regardless of a religious affiliation because I knew so so many people who leaned toward Buddhism, Hinduism, Wicca, Islam,  people who were good people. People I respected. I myself was studying ancient India in a class at the time and felt incredibly moved by Jainist texts, as well as others. It seemed to me that no matter what religion, we all had spirituality in common. 


I stopped going to that group, I think because of time constraints and my overloaded schedule. I just didn't have time for spirituality. I had stopped going to church quite some time before, and with starting a weekend job, it wasn't hard to find reasons to not go to church, although I often didn't need one.


Since then I have been pained by my lack of spirituality. Matt and I recently had a wonderful conversation with a group of friends about whether or not to raise our children in any kind of church. I won't go into the details, but the point is that I still felt emotionally tied to religion while at the same time hated the bigots it created. I was frustrated because I genuinely did not feel that one religion was any more right than another. I still considered myself a Christian, because I tended towards the teachings of Jesus. I still believe Jesus was a radical, liberal, justice seeking prophet. But others wouldn't call me a Christian because I don't think he was sent here to die for my sins. He is not my lord and savior, the single requirement to be considered a Christian by most Christians themselves.


I questioned why can't I just follow a prophets teachings? Many religions have great prophets whose teachings are followed. Why does Christianity have to go and get all high and mighty and say that Jesus is the only way to God? Why does he have to be inhuman to have some good ideas? Something that pervaded my thoughts then and still does today is something Tim Keel said in a sermon "Christianity is not a set of propositions, but a way of life" as well as this Stanley Hauerwas quote 


"The work of Jesus was not a new set of ideals or principals for reforming or even revolutionizing society, but the establishment of a new community, a people that embodied forgiveness, sharing, and self-sacrificing love in its rituals and discipline. In that sense, the visible church is not to be the bearer of Christ's message, but to be the message."


This to me, was what religion should be. The Emergent Church fascinated me for some time, but ultimately what it comes down to is that there are Christians who are good people. There are Christians who are horrible people. There are Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, and countless other religions' people who have a large number of people we would consider good. People who care for their family, those around them, considerate people, people who give freely of themselves to friends, people who challenge injustices, people who I respect in every sense of the word. In addition I believe that there are countless atheists, agnostics, and more who live good lives, who are also people I deeply respect. 


I have come to the point where religion to me does not differentiate between those who are good and those who are bad. The only thing it differentiates is how people are personally fulfilled and satisfied with their own spirituality. The problem with religion is that it implies that to be moral, one must be spiritual in their definition.


I disagree. I do not feel that morality comes from religion. I feel that religion serves the individual, and often the community in giving themselves purpose, drive, fulfillment, and more. It DOES NOT make someone a good or bad person. 


Welcome to secular humanism. Morality that comes from religion is deeply steeped in violence, in judgment, in ethnocentrism, in the powerful and powerless. And yet there are many religious people I know who are good people. I do not think that religion is always negative. I think it is the source of deeper spiritual fulfillment for many people. But it is not the source of their morality, and thus I consider myself a secular humanist.


I no longer need religion to feel that I am a good person. I do not need rules, laws, or guidelines to show me what is wrong and what is right. My logic, reasoning, and serious thought about what I feel is right and wrong is what decides my morals. And ultimately, I can only advocate that this is what is right to me. If someone disagrees with what I judge to be moral or immoral, than I invite them to engage in a conversation about what logic, reasoning, and serious thought brought them to a different conclusion, because I think it is likely that the process will differ, and I can gain appreciation for their choice.


So secular humanism does not deny religion. It is the belief that someone does not need religion to be a moral person. And this seems to have resolved my spiritual battle about what I should think, feel, experience and deny about religion. Who knows, maybe I will become a practitioner of some religion down the road. I'll leave that open, but for now that I am satisfied and happy in my life, a life that does not involve a religion.


It is well, with my soul.


"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." -Buddha

Being a semi-foodie

This Christmas Matt and I found ourselves inundated with wonderful kitchen necessities, niceties and gadgets. Its awesome. Its also incredibly useful as we try to eat at home frequently. Over the last six months we've been trying lots of recipes and seeing what works in our daily lives. We're learning the benefits of dried beans, exploring the global markets for things like Za'atar (which I very highly recommend sprinkling on top off scrambled eggs) and trying to use seasonal vegetables from the Farmers Market. We really really really love food, so this is a way to indulge in it without spending too much money or gaining too much weight!

For a long time I've read one foodie blog, Smitten Kitchen by a funny woman (with the most adorable hairy baby ever.. http://www.flickr.com/photos/smitten/5285817669/) who makes a variety of food, but a large portion is sweets. She uses really great sources like David Lebowitz, who I consider a god since making his Almond Cake recipe for Hannah's birthday, and recipes from Gourmet magazine, like that ridiculous cappuccino fudge cheesecake (ohmygod). Most importantly she provides a good description of what she didn't like, what she would or did change, and ideas to improve the dish. It is hands down my favorite food blog, and really all I needed in addition to checking Betty Crocker on occasion. She's been at the foodie blog for a while, so she has a wonderfully astounding back log of recipes.

More recently I've decided that she most definitely fulfills my baking needs, but not much else. She has access to markets in NYC, more monetary funding and time than I find myself with. I enjoy reading it and considering the dishes, but I tend not to make them unless they are sweets. So I've started searching for more food blogs to actually pull recipes from. I clearly remember looking around for some when I first started reading Smitten Kitchen, but found that they were either too fancy for me or were purely baking blogs that are really only good when searching specifically for something.

Well once I got to looking I found about 4 more than I liked. Didn't have too much housemaking crap, and met my other random requirements. I've started reading them and going through some back recipes to see how friendly they are for my needs and I've really enjoyed it.

So what I'm getting at in a very round a bout way is that I'm becoming somewhat of a foodie. Still primarily a sloppy lazy messy baker (and now with the addition of alcohol thanks to The Boozy Baker) I am branching out into meals for Matt and I. I think to be a real foodie I would have to be a purist and perfectionist, or at least more particular than I am now. I do food my own way, and I think thats what cooking should be about. Using food in a way that is good for your mind, body, and taste buds.

So I have begun to accumulate those go to recipes that I end up making time and time again, each time looking at the egg and flour covered recipe less and less. The one thing I still desperately need is a way to organize recipes I find online. I've started using One Note, but I think I need to play around a bit with just how to use it in the best way.

The one dish that I've made at least once a month since I found it is Spinach Pie. I've tried different things with it because its an easy recipe to experiment with. Its incredibly tasty, filling, and good for you too!
 adapted from All Recipes  (http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/spinach-pie-2/Detail.aspx)

Spinach Pie

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons chopped onion
• 1 (16 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
• 4 eggs
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1 tablespoon flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Spray a 9 inch pie pan with non-stick cooking spray.
2. Remove spinach from package and place in strainer. Squeeze out as much water as you can and let it sit.
3. Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until onions are soft. Add spinach to the skillet and continue cooking until it is heated through and the extra water evaporates.
4. In a large bowl, beat together eggs and cream, flour, salt, pepper and cumin. Mix in spinach and onions well. Pour mixture into pie pan.
5. Bake 25 to 30 minutes until set and golden brown. Spread swiss cheese over top and let cool 5 minutes before serving

I switch out onions for mushrooms or whatever vegetable we've got in the house, and usually add more. I add an egg or two to stretch it and since I bake it in a 2 quart pyrex baking dish (I don't actually have a pie pan, odd for a baker) it fits just fine. I use milk instead of heavy cream because thats what I've got around. I made it with the nutmeg the first time because many recipes call for it but I just don't understand the savory use of something I only want in baked goods. I replace it with cumin. I've also put down a store bought pie crust in the dish before, baked it for ten minutes then added the rest. Its a thin crust, but its a nice addition since I'm too lazy to make the thicker crust I'm actually craving.
You can really alter it however you want because its hard to screw up! Enjoy =)

I have ESP

First of all-Go Ask Alice is the coolest website ever. In terms of education and Q&A they are amazing at providing open, respectful understanding for people's questions. They recognize personal choice, so when you ask how to take  caution when taking club drugs, they give you the facts without telling you that you shouldn't be taking them.


If you have questions about sex, drugs, alcohol, LGBTQA issues or anything, go there.


Anyway, I'm on their list serv which means I get weekly email about the questions and answers they have posted. This one caught my eye, actually it made me laugh. "I think I have ESP" is a hilarious statement to me.

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/9400.html?utm_source=Get+Alice!+In+Your+Box&utm_campaign=03366fdaac-111210_Non_CU&utm_medium=email

But I clicked on it thinking, well you know sometimes I think I have ESP or something like it.


Hold up. I just told all you people that.


Some of you know that sometimes I get deja vu in a situation fully knowing I've never been in the situation. There are a couple clear examples. The first one I remember was like this article, first experienced in a dream. 
The event was being at a friends house with a group of people I hadn't met before. We were in a circle and I was on a specific sofa at my friends house, on the right end. Well cut to me in this situation (months later I believe) Having deja vu around people I had never ever met before. So clearly, I'd never been in this situation before. Well we were playing Cranium, hence the circle. 


Now more recently, it has not been dream to real life connections. Instead something will be actually occurring, and I get the feeling of deja vu. I often tell the people, and I tell them because I don't know why I'm having it. Then at some point down the road, the same situation happens to me again. And I have deja vu, again. So I find it odd that the first time it happens to me, I feel deja vu. Logically I am only supposed to feel it the second time. 


When I was younger, while watching the Olympics, in particular figure skating, I would predict in my head as the skater was going up for a jump whether they would land or fall. I was right, a lot of the time. Not always, but a lot.


So I'm just saying, things like this happen to people. And I'm not crazy.

what being a vegetarian means to me

Since I started even considering not eating meat, all anyone has done is question it. Honestly. Meat lovers, meat haters, and vegetarians a like.  (There are some minor exceptions, most importantly-my mother and Matt. As it should be!)

Its one of those situations where people are like "what you're vegetarian?" and I say yea, I try to be. And then it pours.

"What because of the conditions that like, chickens are in or something?"

I explain that I'm not a moral vegetarian. Of course I do not agree with the way we treat food animals in our country, its not right and I wish it were changed. But I do not believe me not eating meat can fix that. Eating and supporting restaurants and businesses (like Chipotle) that are actually mindful of where their products come from does.

 I've lost about half the population now, because why wouldn't you eat meat if you weren't morally opposed to it? I explain to them that it is a dietary choice. 

"So you don't really like meat?" 

Oh no. Did you miss the word 'choice'? I love meat, pork in particular (insert immature snicker). Sausage, bacon, pork chops, love it. Then, because I just can't seem to keep myself from saying so I tell them that when I really want to, I eat meat. This usually blows another 25% of people's minds. Sometimes a girls got a wicked craving for a cheeseburger. Now this does not mean that I eat meat four times a week or something. I probably eat meat once every 3 or 4 weeks. 

I am a vegetarian, because (to steal some terms from the LGBTQ community) I identify as a vegetarian. I think to some people, being a vegetarian is about denying yourself meat. And I'm not about denying myself. Thats just not the purpose of my dietary choice. I've found that if I allow myself that turkey sandwich or god forbid, a chicken wing I've satisfied my meat craving for weeks and am then more committed to making good choices. I am more likely to stick with it.

Often times when with family I eat meat, since I don't want them to have to make another dish just for me or try and work around my dietary choice.So when thanksgiving gets here, I'm sure I'll eat some Turkey. Its really not that big of a deal for me, and I'm not going to make it such a big deal. For some people it is a big deal, and thats fine...for them. This is not to say that it isn't important to me. It (obviously) is. Just not in that way.

Its a dietary choice, meaning that I do it because I eat healthier when meat is on the back burner. I eat more vegetables, I eat at restaurants that are better for me, and I eat fewer calories.

"Well not all meat is bad for you you know"

 I'm aware, thanks. Eating meat is not always bad. Turkey, sushi, etc can be just fine, and believe me, I'm not gonna judge you for eating meat. Its not about you or your dietary practices. Its about mine.

"Well you probably don't get enough nutrients, you need protein you know"

I know. Did you know that many people eat too much protein? YOU DON'T NEED THAT MUCH!! Eggs are my best friend, oh and beans? Full of good ole protein. Hummus, cheese, every bean ever, eggs, tofu (which when prepared properly is soooo tasty!) are all more than adequate! I eat so many more veggies than before that I'm positive I'm getting a better variety and a higher intake of all the vitamins and minerals I need than when I ate meat. And you know what, veggies have a little protein too! 

In the words of Immortal Technique:

i've seen some of you herbivores;
and if you want to argue health,
y'all need to eat some kind of supplement
because some of y'all are so skinny
that it's disgusting; looking like the
only hip-hop motherfuckers on schindler's list.
being a malnutrition-ass got nothing to do

So I am a vegetarian because I want to make healthier choices, not take the choice out of it.

I am a vegetarian because my goal is to be healthier, not to lose weight.

I am a vegetarian because I don't want to deny myself, but love myself for what I am.

I am a vegetarian because I consider myself that. and I don't care how you classify me.

You don't change who I am. I do.

About the Burqa

Bear with me as I jump around in my brain with my thoughts on the French ban on Burqa style veils.

Bear with me, as this is a subject I am not comfortable writing on. I'll make mistakes, so please correct me if I'm factually wrong about something. I have to tried to be clear about what is my opinion.

To Start

I very strongly disagree with the multiple religions that require modesty in women, whether the sleeves and longer skirts required by Mormons or the full head to toe, face covering Burqa of Islam. I feel modesty is a good thing, but something an individual should be able to control.

And how can we draw those lines? My most modest dress is in fact sleeveless. So why create an often arbitrary religious rule or guideline? No sleeve can hide human sexuality, its what we're made of! Its how we got here! And it will come out regardless. Covering a body part does not hinder the brain, if anything it stimulates it! After all, there is fantasy.

(Broadly) On America's understanding of Islam

When it comes to Islam, I think westerners like myself are generally unsure (although some are far too sure Muslims are terrible people-they started in the old testament too you know). When I first learned of the proposed ban on Islamic headscarves in France, I thought it was insane and would never pass. To think millions of French Muslim women just going without (what I see as) a very essential part of their Islamic identity! Then I learned that there are many kinds of veils in Islam, and most of them are not included in this ban. This link explains the different types of veils that the diverse women of Islam wear. If you haven't looked at and thought about these different styles, I strongly urge you to read the descriptions of each style or at the very least look at the pictures. Muslim Veils

I have seen women wearing the Hijab, Al-Amira and Shayla in beautifully feminine ways.

I have seen Mizzou students wearing Mizzou tshirts, jeans, and north pole jackets with Hijabs who blend in with all the other MU students in nearly the same outfit.

I have seen women in the Khimar veils at the store, and the thing I always notice about them is the gorgeous patterns and individuality that each woman displays through her covering.

The very same way women who don't wear veils create individuality through a dress, shirt, or jewelry.

I think its beautiful (although I'm sure an aspect of the beauty for me is the foreignness of the garments and patterns).

That being said, as a non-Islamic woman I find the Niqab, but especially the Burqa to be dehumanizing. I choose not to wear one, but still it tugs at my heart.

I think if I ever travel abroad, it would take the threat of being arrested for me to even consider wearing any scarf. Even one like Ann Curry wore in her interview with the Iranian president that showed her face and much of her hair. Not to mention it was not pinned or tucked in, but laid loosely on her shoulder.

On the choice

I respect a woman's right to choose what she believes about what is best for herself, including a decision to wear a burqa. But I myself cannot comprehend the emotional weight of wearing such a garment.

I have issue with what it could to do to my self-worth and the ownership of my own body. Not to mention the incredibly complex social ideas about gender roles which I will not even attempt to go into.

I do consider the fact that I have not been raised in a culture where these garments are a common option for women.

Possibly as a result of this and surely as a result of my feminist views (you know that radical idea that women are people too) the idea of wearing this garment makes my stomach sink.

It really tugs at my heart.

I have read women who say it allows them to be more confident because they are not subject to men's judgement (*is it really just men?? I think women in our culture dress up for other women) and that they are judged based on their personality and character content instead.

The problem here is that it places gender roles on men, expecting them to behave in this way. Dare I suggest affirming that its acceptable for them to have these thoughts, that really its our fault, we should cover up.

Can we not hold them responsible and require them to move past objectifying someone's body? Can we say no, it is not my fault?

Around the world

Turkey has a ban on scarves in civic spaces like school and universities, as do German states who have varying bans on the veils for teachers and civil servants.

The problem is that these bans cause problems for Islamic women's education and job prospects.

Newsweek: Fighting the Veil

Yet I think the ban that is passing through the French government on burqas and niqabs is disturbing. I think it may be a result of being American that I could think so automatically, so quickly decided that this is wrong on such a basic level. I'm accustomed to having complete religious freedom (aside from killing people and what not) which means in America (I pray!) that we would never be able to pass such a law through any one tiny piece of the government.

To make something some Muslim women have worn for their entire lives illegal, I just cannot comprehend it. This NPR article discusses it, and something I found interesting was that they mention that out of the 5 million Muslims in France, roughly 1900 women are believed to wear theseface covering styles.

I understand that these styles are seen as radical Islamic coverings, and that the Quran's meaning on the subject is debated, as many things in the Bible are. And that many Muslims find them unacceptable, particularly in European culture.

But its just not right to me. If that woman chooses a religion that involves her wearing that veil, the law takes away her ability to choose for herself, and instead decides what is best for her. This is the very simple but common problem with sexism. It may be veiled (no pun intended) as a way to create tolerance or secularism or whatever, but all it does is take away a woman's right to choose.

I know that I have not fully discussed, mentioned, or even realized all of the assumptions, guesses, judgements and arguments I have made on this subject. I can't do it justice because its beyond me, and thats fine. However, I want people to think about it, I want people to read the articles. I want to place this little smidgen of an idea in your head. Because I don't want to leave that job up to someone else if I can attempt it.

And here are some beautiful women, whose religious ideas I do not now.

This first one is from the Sartoralist, a fashion blog, whose author asks for discussion on her style and self expression, not her religious or political views.

Blueberry Bread Pudding

So Matt has been asking for bread pudding for a looooong time, and this is the first one I've made. Blueberry bread pudding is delicious, and perfect this time of year because a boz of blueberries is a dollar!!

This is the recipe I used, but I added an egg because it just didn't have the right consistency, and many other recipes call for one or more egg.

Its super easy to make because you throw everything in a bowl, mix it, and dump it in a baking dish. Done. Also, at work we throw out older bread, which is perfect for bread pudding, so my bread was free. This dish was so cheap. And you see how pretty it is??

I'm gonna have to make more bread pudding.

http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recipetemplate.php?scale=8&mid=29042