I have ESP

First of all-Go Ask Alice is the coolest website ever. In terms of education and Q&A they are amazing at providing open, respectful understanding for people's questions. They recognize personal choice, so when you ask how to take  caution when taking club drugs, they give you the facts without telling you that you shouldn't be taking them.


If you have questions about sex, drugs, alcohol, LGBTQA issues or anything, go there.


Anyway, I'm on their list serv which means I get weekly email about the questions and answers they have posted. This one caught my eye, actually it made me laugh. "I think I have ESP" is a hilarious statement to me.

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/9400.html?utm_source=Get+Alice!+In+Your+Box&utm_campaign=03366fdaac-111210_Non_CU&utm_medium=email

But I clicked on it thinking, well you know sometimes I think I have ESP or something like it.


Hold up. I just told all you people that.


Some of you know that sometimes I get deja vu in a situation fully knowing I've never been in the situation. There are a couple clear examples. The first one I remember was like this article, first experienced in a dream. 
The event was being at a friends house with a group of people I hadn't met before. We were in a circle and I was on a specific sofa at my friends house, on the right end. Well cut to me in this situation (months later I believe) Having deja vu around people I had never ever met before. So clearly, I'd never been in this situation before. Well we were playing Cranium, hence the circle. 


Now more recently, it has not been dream to real life connections. Instead something will be actually occurring, and I get the feeling of deja vu. I often tell the people, and I tell them because I don't know why I'm having it. Then at some point down the road, the same situation happens to me again. And I have deja vu, again. So I find it odd that the first time it happens to me, I feel deja vu. Logically I am only supposed to feel it the second time. 


When I was younger, while watching the Olympics, in particular figure skating, I would predict in my head as the skater was going up for a jump whether they would land or fall. I was right, a lot of the time. Not always, but a lot.


So I'm just saying, things like this happen to people. And I'm not crazy.

what being a vegetarian means to me

Since I started even considering not eating meat, all anyone has done is question it. Honestly. Meat lovers, meat haters, and vegetarians a like.  (There are some minor exceptions, most importantly-my mother and Matt. As it should be!)

Its one of those situations where people are like "what you're vegetarian?" and I say yea, I try to be. And then it pours.

"What because of the conditions that like, chickens are in or something?"

I explain that I'm not a moral vegetarian. Of course I do not agree with the way we treat food animals in our country, its not right and I wish it were changed. But I do not believe me not eating meat can fix that. Eating and supporting restaurants and businesses (like Chipotle) that are actually mindful of where their products come from does.

 I've lost about half the population now, because why wouldn't you eat meat if you weren't morally opposed to it? I explain to them that it is a dietary choice. 

"So you don't really like meat?" 

Oh no. Did you miss the word 'choice'? I love meat, pork in particular (insert immature snicker). Sausage, bacon, pork chops, love it. Then, because I just can't seem to keep myself from saying so I tell them that when I really want to, I eat meat. This usually blows another 25% of people's minds. Sometimes a girls got a wicked craving for a cheeseburger. Now this does not mean that I eat meat four times a week or something. I probably eat meat once every 3 or 4 weeks. 

I am a vegetarian, because (to steal some terms from the LGBTQ community) I identify as a vegetarian. I think to some people, being a vegetarian is about denying yourself meat. And I'm not about denying myself. Thats just not the purpose of my dietary choice. I've found that if I allow myself that turkey sandwich or god forbid, a chicken wing I've satisfied my meat craving for weeks and am then more committed to making good choices. I am more likely to stick with it.

Often times when with family I eat meat, since I don't want them to have to make another dish just for me or try and work around my dietary choice.So when thanksgiving gets here, I'm sure I'll eat some Turkey. Its really not that big of a deal for me, and I'm not going to make it such a big deal. For some people it is a big deal, and thats fine...for them. This is not to say that it isn't important to me. It (obviously) is. Just not in that way.

Its a dietary choice, meaning that I do it because I eat healthier when meat is on the back burner. I eat more vegetables, I eat at restaurants that are better for me, and I eat fewer calories.

"Well not all meat is bad for you you know"

 I'm aware, thanks. Eating meat is not always bad. Turkey, sushi, etc can be just fine, and believe me, I'm not gonna judge you for eating meat. Its not about you or your dietary practices. Its about mine.

"Well you probably don't get enough nutrients, you need protein you know"

I know. Did you know that many people eat too much protein? YOU DON'T NEED THAT MUCH!! Eggs are my best friend, oh and beans? Full of good ole protein. Hummus, cheese, every bean ever, eggs, tofu (which when prepared properly is soooo tasty!) are all more than adequate! I eat so many more veggies than before that I'm positive I'm getting a better variety and a higher intake of all the vitamins and minerals I need than when I ate meat. And you know what, veggies have a little protein too! 

In the words of Immortal Technique:

i've seen some of you herbivores;
and if you want to argue health,
y'all need to eat some kind of supplement
because some of y'all are so skinny
that it's disgusting; looking like the
only hip-hop motherfuckers on schindler's list.
being a malnutrition-ass got nothing to do

So I am a vegetarian because I want to make healthier choices, not take the choice out of it.

I am a vegetarian because my goal is to be healthier, not to lose weight.

I am a vegetarian because I don't want to deny myself, but love myself for what I am.

I am a vegetarian because I consider myself that. and I don't care how you classify me.

You don't change who I am. I do.

About the Burqa

Bear with me as I jump around in my brain with my thoughts on the French ban on Burqa style veils.

Bear with me, as this is a subject I am not comfortable writing on. I'll make mistakes, so please correct me if I'm factually wrong about something. I have to tried to be clear about what is my opinion.

To Start

I very strongly disagree with the multiple religions that require modesty in women, whether the sleeves and longer skirts required by Mormons or the full head to toe, face covering Burqa of Islam. I feel modesty is a good thing, but something an individual should be able to control.

And how can we draw those lines? My most modest dress is in fact sleeveless. So why create an often arbitrary religious rule or guideline? No sleeve can hide human sexuality, its what we're made of! Its how we got here! And it will come out regardless. Covering a body part does not hinder the brain, if anything it stimulates it! After all, there is fantasy.

(Broadly) On America's understanding of Islam

When it comes to Islam, I think westerners like myself are generally unsure (although some are far too sure Muslims are terrible people-they started in the old testament too you know). When I first learned of the proposed ban on Islamic headscarves in France, I thought it was insane and would never pass. To think millions of French Muslim women just going without (what I see as) a very essential part of their Islamic identity! Then I learned that there are many kinds of veils in Islam, and most of them are not included in this ban. This link explains the different types of veils that the diverse women of Islam wear. If you haven't looked at and thought about these different styles, I strongly urge you to read the descriptions of each style or at the very least look at the pictures. Muslim Veils

I have seen women wearing the Hijab, Al-Amira and Shayla in beautifully feminine ways.

I have seen Mizzou students wearing Mizzou tshirts, jeans, and north pole jackets with Hijabs who blend in with all the other MU students in nearly the same outfit.

I have seen women in the Khimar veils at the store, and the thing I always notice about them is the gorgeous patterns and individuality that each woman displays through her covering.

The very same way women who don't wear veils create individuality through a dress, shirt, or jewelry.

I think its beautiful (although I'm sure an aspect of the beauty for me is the foreignness of the garments and patterns).

That being said, as a non-Islamic woman I find the Niqab, but especially the Burqa to be dehumanizing. I choose not to wear one, but still it tugs at my heart.

I think if I ever travel abroad, it would take the threat of being arrested for me to even consider wearing any scarf. Even one like Ann Curry wore in her interview with the Iranian president that showed her face and much of her hair. Not to mention it was not pinned or tucked in, but laid loosely on her shoulder.

On the choice

I respect a woman's right to choose what she believes about what is best for herself, including a decision to wear a burqa. But I myself cannot comprehend the emotional weight of wearing such a garment.

I have issue with what it could to do to my self-worth and the ownership of my own body. Not to mention the incredibly complex social ideas about gender roles which I will not even attempt to go into.

I do consider the fact that I have not been raised in a culture where these garments are a common option for women.

Possibly as a result of this and surely as a result of my feminist views (you know that radical idea that women are people too) the idea of wearing this garment makes my stomach sink.

It really tugs at my heart.

I have read women who say it allows them to be more confident because they are not subject to men's judgement (*is it really just men?? I think women in our culture dress up for other women) and that they are judged based on their personality and character content instead.

The problem here is that it places gender roles on men, expecting them to behave in this way. Dare I suggest affirming that its acceptable for them to have these thoughts, that really its our fault, we should cover up.

Can we not hold them responsible and require them to move past objectifying someone's body? Can we say no, it is not my fault?

Around the world

Turkey has a ban on scarves in civic spaces like school and universities, as do German states who have varying bans on the veils for teachers and civil servants.

The problem is that these bans cause problems for Islamic women's education and job prospects.

Newsweek: Fighting the Veil

Yet I think the ban that is passing through the French government on burqas and niqabs is disturbing. I think it may be a result of being American that I could think so automatically, so quickly decided that this is wrong on such a basic level. I'm accustomed to having complete religious freedom (aside from killing people and what not) which means in America (I pray!) that we would never be able to pass such a law through any one tiny piece of the government.

To make something some Muslim women have worn for their entire lives illegal, I just cannot comprehend it. This NPR article discusses it, and something I found interesting was that they mention that out of the 5 million Muslims in France, roughly 1900 women are believed to wear theseface covering styles.

I understand that these styles are seen as radical Islamic coverings, and that the Quran's meaning on the subject is debated, as many things in the Bible are. And that many Muslims find them unacceptable, particularly in European culture.

But its just not right to me. If that woman chooses a religion that involves her wearing that veil, the law takes away her ability to choose for herself, and instead decides what is best for her. This is the very simple but common problem with sexism. It may be veiled (no pun intended) as a way to create tolerance or secularism or whatever, but all it does is take away a woman's right to choose.

I know that I have not fully discussed, mentioned, or even realized all of the assumptions, guesses, judgements and arguments I have made on this subject. I can't do it justice because its beyond me, and thats fine. However, I want people to think about it, I want people to read the articles. I want to place this little smidgen of an idea in your head. Because I don't want to leave that job up to someone else if I can attempt it.

And here are some beautiful women, whose religious ideas I do not now.

This first one is from the Sartoralist, a fashion blog, whose author asks for discussion on her style and self expression, not her religious or political views.

Blueberry Bread Pudding

So Matt has been asking for bread pudding for a looooong time, and this is the first one I've made. Blueberry bread pudding is delicious, and perfect this time of year because a boz of blueberries is a dollar!!

This is the recipe I used, but I added an egg because it just didn't have the right consistency, and many other recipes call for one or more egg.

Its super easy to make because you throw everything in a bowl, mix it, and dump it in a baking dish. Done. Also, at work we throw out older bread, which is perfect for bread pudding, so my bread was free. This dish was so cheap. And you see how pretty it is??

I'm gonna have to make more bread pudding.

http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recipetemplate.php?scale=8&mid=29042

I never would have considered

I love NPR. I love it. I come from an NPR family, my mom listens to it, Katie and Steph listen to it, we even discuss NPR articles at family dinners. I'm not exactly sure what it is about it. Maybe how classy it all seems, or rather how they are so connected with pop culture and what is current at the exact same time.

I used to just listen to NPR, I had it set as the LAST preset station in my car and when absolutely nothing else was on and it was five o'clock, hearing the theme song for All Things Considered would take me back to when I was growing up and mom would be cooking dinner and listening to Mara Liasson.

Well then I started looking at their website because I always enjoyed the things they reported on, and I felt it was often really fascinating things, not the same old boring bull shit from CNN and the (God awful) Columbia local news. Well then one day I noticed a link for some band I really really like (I don't remember now it has happened so many times) That took me to the music page of NPR. It started as a live show here or there, then I discovered their first listen for Regina Spektor's latest CD-the entire album on their website. love love love love love. Every week or two they have an unreleased album on their website to listen to for free.

Next, I started listening to All Songs Considered (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=37) shows here and there, looking at the jazz section instead of just the pop/rock/folk section. And now I've become a full blown NPR music junkie by subscribing to the All Songs Considered podcast and making it a Sunday ritual. It is my sabbath.

I. love. this. show. Some of the time its completely random people that I've never heard of in my life, and sometimes its people I've heard before but don't know well, and other times its people whose music I feel intimately connected to. But all the time, its wonderful, every time no matter what kind of new age music is on, I enjoy it. This week is was African something or other, and it was awesome. Thirteen minutes of me thinking damn this is so cool. I like this show because I appreciate a lot of music in the world, I would argue most of it. But I just don't know what to pick. I've heard wonderful jazz music, great classical rock, and some weird indie shit that just kinda works, But for the most part, I'm not familiar with the genres, so I need some guidance. This is what this program has done for me.

Sunday nights are my musical sabbath. Its blues night on BXR here in Columbia so I get to hear Dan Aykroyd talk about amazing blues and jazz musicians and here some awesome live shit where people cuss up a storm. Add that to an hour of NPR goodness and its quite a day for me. It all makes for really really great studying music.

If you have a taste in music anything similar to mine, you should check it out. Or really, if you don't. Just check it out.

this is why I love music

I don't feel like there is much point in me writing if Amos Lee can sum it up so well....

"Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight"

Well I walked over the bridge
Into the city where I live,
And I saw my old landlord.
Well we both said hello,
There was no where else to go,
'cuz his rent I couldn't afford.

Well relationships change,
Oh I think it's kinda strange,
How money makes a man grow.
Some people they claim,
If you get enough fame,
You live over the rainbow.
Over the rainbow..

But the people on the street,
Out on buses or on feet,
We all got the same blood flow.
Oh, in society,
Every dollar got a deed,
We all need a place so we can go,
And feel over the rainbow.

But sometimes,
We forget what we got,
Who we are.
Oh who are are not.
I think we gotta chance,
To make it right.
Keep it loose,
Keep it tight.
Keep it tight.

I'm in love with a girl,
Who's in love with the world,
Though I can't help but follow.
Though I know some day,
She is bound to go away,
And stay over the rainbow.
Gotta learn how to let her go.
Over the rainbow.

Sometimes we forget who we got,
Who they are.
Oh, who they are not.
There is so much more in love,
Than black and white.
Keep it loose child,
Gotta keep it tight.
Keep it loose child,
Keep it tight.

Extroverted Dilema

For the last couple of days I've been rather manic. I've had great mornings or afternoons only to lead to quiet, depressed, almost cranky evenings. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like I'm in need of something, I'm looking for something and the people around me aren't quite satisfying it. At least not all the time. I'm not saying my life sucks, it doesn't. This afternoon I was reminded how much I love my job when a former regular came in and I'd realized I hadn't seen him for quite a while.

I asked where he had been and he started telling me about his move to Baton Rouge Louisiana. He was telling me about his job, working out the logistics with his girlfriend and how he misses our bagels and is coming back every time he is in town. He isn't one of my favorite customers by any means, but he was a familiar face and someone I didn't realized I'd gotten to know. I knew his girlfriend, I knew they weren't married but were serious enough that she will be moving to Louisiana. I felt honored to know him like that, to know such details of his life.

After that he started telling me about his job. He is at LSU researching people's postures, they are looking at how many calories someone burns while sitting vs. while standing. He was telling me you burn about 1 calorie a minute when sitting, but 1.5 when standing, and added up that makes a large difference. He told me that they found there is one muscle that makes this difference, and its in the calf. This one muscle is used for standing but not sitting and does enough work to make a large amount of difference. We started talking about how working on your feet (like I do) is incredibly good for you, and how being "active" is as important as exercising. This conversation was totally random, but incredibly pleasant. I was fascinated by what he studies, and I think he enjoyed that I found it interesting. I live for conversations like these. I'm not sure why but I really love them.

But I don't have them enough. And when I don't, I feel numb. I feel so numb right now. But its so short term. In an hour I could be talking with someone and get right back to feeling fine. I think this is when I'm at my most extroverted. I need people, to talk to and share with. I think these uber extraverted times align with the highs in my mania, when satisfied, and the lows when they aren't. So I guess I'm only manic when I'm extroverted, because much of the time I don't need constant interaction. I need an average amount.

Don't assume this blog sums up how I feel about life right now. I feel great, I really do. I just have these parts of me.